24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
