You really coming over, don't trick.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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