I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
