does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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