so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
