Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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