Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she looked like the before picture.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So squirting runs in the family.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
