Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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