on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
