I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
