new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
