I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
