road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
