Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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