Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
