So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
