Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
