how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
