My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
