Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
