I didn't shave. On purpose
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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