I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
