...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
