her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish you could order shots online.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
