I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
