I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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