there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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