My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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