Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
