I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
