somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My bed smells like the plague
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
