If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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