did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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