I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
