I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
