Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
