youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
