Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Help. Why am I so naked?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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