I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
