either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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