Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
