Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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