is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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