Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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