Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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