It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
