Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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