Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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