She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
