Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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